A lot of people complain about the night, and how lonely they feel inside their bed. But that’s not how it works for me. I notice I’m lonely at 9 am. When the sun wakes me up and everything is silent around me. I notice I’m lonely at 1 pm. When I walk down the street knowing I have no one to go visit. I notice I’m lonely at 3 pm. When I draw on my yellow paper knowing there’s no one to say “This drawing is from me to you. I think about you a lot. ” I notice I’m lonely at 6 pm. When I look in the mirror and my body is untouched. There’s no sign of someone else living, touching, breathing my body. It makes me sad thinking how much love I’m willing to give and it’s all going wasted because after all, maybe some people aren’t made to be with someone.
i have this idealized version of myself in my head that is content and doing what she loves and comfortable and sometimes i get so caught up in her life that it’s almost impossible to realize that she isn’t real yet. but i hope to be her someday.
